"most of my life has been spent in enriching as well as i could the long, long waiting for the great events which fill me now so deeply that i am overwhelmed. now i understand the terrific restlessness, the tragic sense of failure, the deep discontent. i was waiting. this is the year of expansion, of true living. all the rest was a preparation. thirty years of anguished watchfulness. and now these are the days i lived for. and to be aware of this, so fully aware, that is what is almost humanly unbearable. human beings cannot bear the knowledge of the future. to me, the knowledge of the present is just as dazzling. to be so acutely rich and know it!"it gives me chills as it did so many years ago when i read it for the first time. i read it again now, however, with a sense of empathy for her plight instead of with the longing i felt in my early twenties.
i think i really like being 30.