27 January 2009


i have just stumbled again upon one of my favorite passages by anais nin that has been tucked away inside of an old dust-covered journal
"most of my life has been spent in enriching as well as i could the long, long waiting for the great events which fill me now so deeply that i am overwhelmed. now i understand the terrific restlessness, the tragic sense of failure, the deep discontent. i was waiting. this is the year of expansion, of true living. all the rest was a preparation. thirty years of anguished watchfulness. and now these are the days i lived for. and to be aware of this, so fully aware, that is what is almost humanly unbearable. human beings cannot bear the knowledge of the future. to me, the knowledge of the present is just as dazzling. to be so acutely rich and know it!"
it gives me chills as it did so many years ago when i read it for the first time. i read it again now, however, with a sense of empathy for her plight instead of with the longing i felt in my early twenties.

i think i really like being 30.

13 January 2009

03 January 2009

it's a good year so far...

for the last few years, i have consciously rejected the notion of new year's resolutions for similar reasons to those my friends have given when asked why they reject 'hallmark holidays': why one day more than the next, why only one day, why does the capitalist marketplace have control over my expression of thought and feeling?
and while it is true that i made my resolutions before the new year, i will state here that they are new year's resolutions.

1. find play again everyday.
2. write more.
3. start those projects that have been floating around in my brain for too many years.
4. be a better friend.
5. be a better daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, cousin and niece.
6. read more nonfiction.
7. get out of debt.
8. forgive myself for not being perfect.
9. start volunteering for the village free school.
10. travel.
11. keep dancing.
12. find new reasons to love my life everyday.
13. be nice.

... i think that'll be enough to keep me busy for a while.